If pain persists, please see your doctor. Apparently trying to kill yourself with Panadol is the wrong way to go about things. It is a popular way for the ladies to commit suicide; gentlemen prefer more direct methods—gunshots, slit throats, that sort of thing. But in this case, for once, the blokes have it right.

The pills require a particular dose. Too much and the drug acts as a purgative and you puke it up and meanwhile it has done terrible damage to your kidneys and you die an awful, painful, humiliating death of renal failure a fortnight later.

But then not enough and you just wake from a coma with a bad headache—oh the irony.

So don't bother with the Panadols. Too much trouble.

  ¶ 4:00 pm