Monday, January 29, 2007
Yay for the police!
I am a big fan of the Victoria Police. They get a bad rap
in general for being police officers and so on. But if
you remember that they haven't shot any mentally ill
people for a while perhaps your own prejudices may be
overcome. Perhaps they may seem to overreact to things at
times and I guess sometimes people may not like it when
there's a little bit of lying in court and all that sort
of thing but really what does that matter in the scheme
of things?
I am a big fan of the Victoria Police. They get a bad rap
in general for being police officers and so on. But if
you remember that they haven't shot any mentally ill
people for a while perhaps your own prejudices may be
overcome. Perhaps they may seem to overreact to things at
times and I guess sometimes people may not like it when
there's a little bit of lying in court and all that sort
of thing but really what does that matter in the scheme
of things?
I was reminded this morning just how marvellous our Victoria Police are when one of their hard-working and, no doubt, stunningly beautiful officers rang me at work to tell me that The Stolen Falcon had been found.
The car was exactly where the professional and, no doubt, witty and good-fun-at-parties officer told me it would be: in a side-street off Sydney Road, with no more than a busted driver-side doorlock, a missing rear quarter panel window and an empty fuel tank.
I admit that when I got there I saw no evidence of the mammoth forensic examination of the crime scene I was expecting. There wasn't any tape roping off the area; no crowd of dashing red-headed detectives keen to further their careers scrabbling under the seats wearing rubber gloves and yelling “A hair! Take this to the lab. Stat!”
However my own sleuthery managed to uncover the clue that the perp (see! I'm so down with the lingo) was a shortass. I was able to deduce this vital evidence by having to move the seat back when I got in and then having to re-adjust the rear vision mirror. In your face, Sherlock Holmes!
So, I'm a big fan of the Victoria Police. When you next see a helpful and, no doubt, riot-in-the-sack officer I want you to form a parade and give three cheers because they've made at least one Harpo very happy.
¶ 6:20 pm
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Yay indeed for the Victoria Police. They are no doubt a good deal less corrupt than their NSW counterparts as a fine mini-series in the 90s assured us all.
This is terrific news...I must admit I had lost hope...who is the local dunderhead who took soooo long to notice that a Falcon had been out the front of his house with a missing rear window and not moving?
On another note I notice you are very much an american policman. No mention of the Scene Of Crime Officer (SOCO) and this perp business should surely be a toe-rag. At no point did you say "oi, come 'ere". As I was weened on early The Bill (intentionally distancing myself from its post millenium oddness) and read Inspector Rebus novels as others read the Da Vinci Code (even the title has a clumsy double use of the definite article for fuck's sake!!!) I don't understand why you performed no "obo" on the site for 48 hours to see if the toe-rag returned. If you would like to perform one soon I am pleased to provide tea in polestyrine cups and make idle conversation about the boredom of "obos". We better take my car as the IC3 may wonder why the your falcon is now on the other side of the road with two guys drinking tea sitting in it.
Lastly, was it anywhere near the Dane Centre...and do you think the black shirts were behind this as revenge for Squid Ink leaving?
This is terrific news...I must admit I had lost hope...who is the local dunderhead who took soooo long to notice that a Falcon had been out the front of his house with a missing rear window and not moving?
On another note I notice you are very much an american policman. No mention of the Scene Of Crime Officer (SOCO) and this perp business should surely be a toe-rag. At no point did you say "oi, come 'ere". As I was weened on early The Bill (intentionally distancing myself from its post millenium oddness) and read Inspector Rebus novels as others read the Da Vinci Code (even the title has a clumsy double use of the definite article for fuck's sake!!!) I don't understand why you performed no "obo" on the site for 48 hours to see if the toe-rag returned. If you would like to perform one soon I am pleased to provide tea in polestyrine cups and make idle conversation about the boredom of "obos". We better take my car as the IC3 may wonder why the your falcon is now on the other side of the road with two guys drinking tea sitting in it.
Lastly, was it anywhere near the Dane Centre...and do you think the black shirts were behind this as revenge for Squid Ink leaving?
Mr Tedium,
The Victoria Police can be as corrupt as they like as far as I'm concerned. They found the car!
That was all very good and you were quite right about my terminology. It has been a very long time since I've seen any of The Bill and I've never read any Inspector Rebus novels (or the Da Vinci Code either, for that matter. What copper terminology does Dan Brown favour?)
Quite a bit further north than the Dane Centre. Although I do remember quite a few members of the staff there were not very tall. I would hate to think that I was targeted for my political beliefs. Or even being victimised for my art — that would be dreadful.
Meva,
A hard-bitten security analyst in the bowels of the Pentagon connects two seemingly irrelevant pieces of intel: a political economist in Prague has given a speech about the rise of Calvinism in the late 70s and the Chilean navy has launched a flotilla into the South Atlantic. It all points to one thing: a long-hidden violent weapon has been found by the ultra-right wing of the Scottish National Party in, of all places, Brunswick…
It writes itself. Guaranteed best-seller.
I am so very glad to have the car back.
The Victoria Police can be as corrupt as they like as far as I'm concerned. They found the car!
That was all very good and you were quite right about my terminology. It has been a very long time since I've seen any of The Bill and I've never read any Inspector Rebus novels (or the Da Vinci Code either, for that matter. What copper terminology does Dan Brown favour?)
Quite a bit further north than the Dane Centre. Although I do remember quite a few members of the staff there were not very tall. I would hate to think that I was targeted for my political beliefs. Or even being victimised for my art — that would be dreadful.
Meva,
A hard-bitten security analyst in the bowels of the Pentagon connects two seemingly irrelevant pieces of intel: a political economist in Prague has given a speech about the rise of Calvinism in the late 70s and the Chilean navy has launched a flotilla into the South Atlantic. It all points to one thing: a long-hidden violent weapon has been found by the ultra-right wing of the Scottish National Party in, of all places, Brunswick…
It writes itself. Guaranteed best-seller.
I am so very glad to have the car back.
Sir:
Despite my set-your-watch-by-it vituperation and invective which blights the shameless love-in which are the other comments on this blog I feel at pains to point out that I really do think the Victorian police are less corrupt than their NSW counterparts based on no evidence whatsoever other than I hope so.
Sincerely
UT
Despite my set-your-watch-by-it vituperation and invective which blights the shameless love-in which are the other comments on this blog I feel at pains to point out that I really do think the Victorian police are less corrupt than their NSW counterparts based on no evidence whatsoever other than I hope so.
Sincerely
UT
Aha thank you Meva. Whether the Victorian Police are corrupt or not and whether comments from you two and the many other generous commenters on this blog are shameless in their love are both interesting points that, I think, are overshadowing the point that I myself was intending to emphasise which is this:
The car.
Is back.
The car is back.
The car.
Is back.
The car is back.
Harpo,
Evidence that the Victorian Police do indeed rock is that they didn't call you at 4am to inform you that they have found your car. This is rude in itself.
However the said police officer then told my mate that he would have to go and collect his car from where it had been left beside a freeway having run out of petrol. Alternatively, he COULD leave it there, if he didn't mind being slapped with a massive fine.
So he had to throw on some clothes, take a taxi to a servo where he bought a jerry can of petrol, got back in the taxi and hurried to the abandoned car before completing emergency repairs and limping the car back home.
Taxi trip = $90
Fuel = $30
Humiliation and degradation = priceless.
Evidence that the Victorian Police do indeed rock is that they didn't call you at 4am to inform you that they have found your car. This is rude in itself.
However the said police officer then told my mate that he would have to go and collect his car from where it had been left beside a freeway having run out of petrol. Alternatively, he COULD leave it there, if he didn't mind being slapped with a massive fine.
So he had to throw on some clothes, take a taxi to a servo where he bought a jerry can of petrol, got back in the taxi and hurried to the abandoned car before completing emergency repairs and limping the car back home.
Taxi trip = $90
Fuel = $30
Humiliation and degradation = priceless.
p1. I am very happy that the car is back
2. I realise it's not quite the main point but I will be buying Meva's novel which is in some sense about the car
3. I am not even going to start on the Victoria Police as it would lead to the most lengthy and humourless rant this side of the Guiness Book of Lengthy Humourless Ranty Records.
4. Yay for the car being back
2. I realise it's not quite the main point but I will be buying Meva's novel which is in some sense about the car
3. I am not even going to start on the Victoria Police as it would lead to the most lengthy and humourless rant this side of the Guiness Book of Lengthy Humourless Ranty Records.
4. Yay for the car being back
Hooray! Thank you INCraig. Not only for the good vibe about the car but also avoiding the temptation — that Gigglewick only barely avoided — to dump on the society-protecting and, no doubt, charming-once-you-get-to-know-them Victoria Police who found the car.
But then again, it's been a couple of weeks now and the car is a piece of crap and the enthusiasm is starting to wear a little thin. Stuff like what happened to GW's mate and whatever rant you just managed to hold in are less excusable now.
When I ghostwrite Meva's book for her I'll make sure it's about the car even if only in some Bret Easton Ellis kind of analogous way: the Navy Seals manage to rescue the senator's daughter only to find that she falls to pieces in the driveway and it costs a lot of money to repair her transmission. Probably in a side-street off Sydney Rd where good senator's daughters go to die.
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But then again, it's been a couple of weeks now and the car is a piece of crap and the enthusiasm is starting to wear a little thin. Stuff like what happened to GW's mate and whatever rant you just managed to hold in are less excusable now.
When I ghostwrite Meva's book for her I'll make sure it's about the car even if only in some Bret Easton Ellis kind of analogous way: the Navy Seals manage to rescue the senator's daughter only to find that she falls to pieces in the driveway and it costs a lot of money to repair her transmission. Probably in a side-street off Sydney Rd where good senator's daughters go to die.
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